Archive for March, 2011


Loss

“the poem has three words, but the writer scratched them out. You can’t describe loss, only feel it”

Memoirs of a Geisha

Tonight i lost everything: my hopes, my dreams, my goals, my love, myself…. all that remains are my friends. Vani, Neo and Sneha… please dont leave me!

love you hate you boy

details are not important! they never are, cos details only make arguments more heated. feelings, however, are important. and these feelings are what make us what we are.

mr. love-hate, why do u bother me so? y do u make me so happy i could literally melt into a pool of mush and then make me so sad i cud kill someone in rage. love-hate boy, why do u probe into my deepest fears, stoke my deepest desires, push my buttons and then piss me off. Love-Hate boy, why do u make me resent you but then yearn for you, why do u make me wanna walk away and simultaneously come behind you like a lil lost puppy?

So is love self-destructive? i think i can safely say yes it is (experience doth maketh man wiser 😛 :P) the tendency to self destruct breeds shame and guilt, and consequently hatred in your heart. so tell me love-hate boy, is love=hate? are they the two sides of the same coin? if love was pure and hate satanic then y are they the same? well off course we cud probably reason that good and bad, that evil and holy, hell and heaven…. all dualities are only a matter of perspective. But its allright when its philosophical. The fucked-up part comes when it becomes real. so real, so palpable that you can feel all these concepts- murder with kisses, love with hate- roll up your very skin like smooth drops of oil and seep right into your soul. The fucked up part is when love and hate conflict so much inside you that you lose yourself and your sanity… or rather YOURself and MY sanity 😛 😛 😛

Love-hate boy, i wish u wud read this and see the way you play marbles in my mind. i do too i know. i know you hate me…. so much that you jus want to hit me until you cant hit anymore, but at the same time i know you cant live without me. dun worry, thats almost the same conundrum i’m in. the thing is to figure out how to draw the line or balance our internal struggles. or sumtin totally pithy and adult sounding like that. Love and Hate are two thing you and I know very well, my dear love-hate boy! i jus hope we swing to the love side of things and hang in there…… forever!