its not the best feeling… feeling helpless and stupid… feeling like a loser. it is not a good feeling at all.

the worst thing about negative emotions is they tend to multiply like a geometric progression. like an inverted pyramid. a single bad thought pops up, as if by accident, and that grows like a banyan tree…  soon your so deep in the quagmire of negativity EVERYTHING looks bleak. for example, it starts with “oh i cant solve this problem” and eventually develops into “i’m good for nothing”.

its a tricky thing to talk about. its not meant to be a public confession because that would make you a pussy. but sometimes it all just build’s up inside you and you need to share it with someone. why not that someone be a faceless stranger reading this blog because they have nothing better to do.

i don’t know if its a problem with just me or my friends or a problem of a women/female beings, but we do fish for compliments. sometimes, i feel like i need someone telling me and assuring me, no I’m not a complete failure in life. Maybe its not someone… maybe its that one person.. or maybe its those people who are always there to keep telling you that.

today i feel like a failure. sometimes, i’m on top of the world, but today i feel like a failure who has nothing to talk about or nothing to credit to myself. Today i feel like because i’m a failure i will always be one. i feel like a person who has no ambition, no direction, nothing to live or strive for. I am sure there might be countless people my age who experience the same feelings everyday, but yeah, today i feel the need to be annoying and talk about it.

i feel like i’m always a second pick, the one who can tag along. i feel like i’m not considered worthy of respect by ANYBODY… and why would i be?

i need to find the girl in me who can move mountains, because i’m sure that she is down there somewhere. i need to be something more than a shopping companion, study buddy or a joke (this is all me talking i know that). i need to fins my passion and be somebody. i just need some help along the way.

“If you have ambition, you might not achieve anything, but without ambition, you are almost certain not to achieve anything.”
Whitfield Diffie